I felt it the moment we brushed against eachother.
He didn't mind. just a bit of attitude. except, that look on his face reciprocated my own. I felt something stir in me, and it wasn't my stomach, which hadn't had the sustenance it required for a while.
I had never loved myself, but he made me feel like i did. i walked with him every day, always close beside him. he never really like much attention, and I knew that, but he didn't mind when it was from me.
I always wanted his reassurance, just like the ones before him. i had felt this way before, just to be let down and forgotten. its hard to trust others when you barely trust yourself with finding someone, but it was... different, with him.
I never knew if he felt the same, and I dont know if he does now, but I pray he does. I never really believed in god, which is pretty ironic since I work at a church asylum now... but still, I pray every day he'll tell me he feels the same. I dont get what i see in him, what makes me love him so much, but its there.
I don't know if its healthy. i've felt this way before, and it has always backfired... But this feeling has lasted so long now... he hasn't brushed me off like the others, and he hasn't replaced me... He always stands up for me, and I never do the same for him... It makes me wonder why he's still near me. I'm nothing and he's... everything.
Everything I've wanted to be. Brave, smart, and prideful. He throws himself at the world and it cant't do anything but let him. I admire him... is that why I love him? It can't be, thats pathetic. i'm pathetic...
Can I really blame myself though? I've longed for this feeling my whole life, and it's addicting. it's just horrible when I'm let down... It hurts me... it stains me and my existence.. I should stop overthinking it, though. love was never meant for me.
I know someone is listening to my confession now, maybe it's a one-sided prayer from me to whoever is listening... I just hope this doesn't get written down...